Holidays Without You- A Letter To Grandma

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    I mentioned in my last letter that the holidays were coming up soon. Well, here we are,
 nearing the end of the holiday season, and I've found my heart hurting a little extra lately. It makes me sad we didn't get to spend it with you, but you had the rest of your family up in heaven having the best time. We've got Dad taken care of down here. 

    It has felt more like Christmas this year than years in the past. It helps that we had Dress-Up December and made a Gingerbread City in our hallway at school, and I put my heart and soul into that. The kids loved it! I've realized these kids look forward to school to escape their home life. I'm glad they trust me to be a positive thing each day. I can only imagine a Christmas break of 17 days would be hard on a kid during Christmas time when, in any household, money is tight, routines are off, and quite frankly,  there is such a thing as spending too much time with the ones you love. 

    At Thanksgiving, I wore you around my neck in form of a butterfly necklace that Alex got me last year for Christmas. I hope you felt included. We had 30 people at Grandma and Grandpa's house! I made sure to add you to the tablecloth that Aunt Debby embroiders each year as a running log of who was there. Last year, you were right by my name. This year, I put you down by Aunt Lori, Uncle Phil, and all the others who watch from above. 

  I've considered returning to school to finish my bachelor's degree. I juggled the idea of elementary education but threw that out when I had to sub for my teacher for two days. I would loan a piece of my heart to any of those kids in an instant until there would be nothing left of me (also, I would 100% have no money because I already pick things up for them as I walk through a store). So, I guess I won't keep the generational title going of "school teacher" after all. It'll end with my mom: 3rd generation. 

    As time passes out here, things keep changing. For one, the gravel road to your house is no longer eroding from the outside in. They actually widened the road and laid asphalt. You can now go 55 mph on it, which you would not have enjoyed. They also got rid of the dip in the road that always used to give me butterflies when I would be caught off guard. Turns out, I was off guard frequently! I can't forget to mention that they have put a wind turbine farm out in our neck of the woods. Alex says they're an eyesore, and you'd probably agree with him. 

    The kittens are now 12 weeks old, and soon, two of them will go to their new home where a little girl will have new best friends! This mama is tired, but I don't want to see them go. I wish I could pause time. However, they're in their teen years and absolutely destroying my mental sanity, my office space, and each other. Good times...

    Mom has been going through pictures since you passed, and I'm learning about the incredible past that is held in these walls and on this land. It used to look so different when Great-Grandma and Grandpa Phillips lived here... back in 1955. Obviously, Jenna. I'm glad I have had the chance to add to the history. We're still dealing with ladybugs, but I guess there could be worse things. 

Thanks for listening, grandma. Tell grandpa I said "hello." Merry Christmas!

With love,
        Jenna

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