I am a Hopeless Romantic

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"You deserve a nice boy." - Manifested by Audrey Roberts, a very intelligent woman, June 2023

I have a love/hate relationship with "love." I'm 20 years old and haven't had a boyfriend. I have gone on dates, opened up to new people, and had talking stages and situation-ships, but I don't know what it's like to be completely loved by someone you love entirely in the form of a significant other. 

  • I know heartbreak because of a boy who asked for a kiss the morning I left and never spoke to me again. 
  • I know toxic because of a boy who left me on the side of the road when my car broke down driving to him. 
  • I know violence because a boy told me he would "beat my ass and kill the other man if I were to cheat." 
  • I know being catfished because of a boy who showed up at my house, and within 30 minutes, he was on his way back home because I was too uncomfortable. 
  • I know being friend-zoned because of a boy who made me feel understood but didn't want a commitment.
  • I know long distance because I've watched a boy grow from a high schooler to a soldier. 
  • I know being insulted because of a boy who told me the light made my peach fuzz look like a mustache at dinner on prom night.
  • I know being the second option because of a boy who chose my best friend over me. 
  • I know being stood up because of all the boys who have canceled plans. 
Something about me is that I will give someone the benefit of the doubt and trust that they are a good person, for I am attracted to souls, not people. I welcome any form of potential love into my life with the mindset of, "Let me show you what love is." I believe two souls don't meet each other by accident because I have either learned or grown because of that person. Without a doubt, I am a hopeless romantic, and I always have been. 

If it arises, I will openly admit to being scared of taking that step into commitment. I have learned to pick myself up whenever a man disappoints me. I have only ever known what it's like to fall asleep alone. When one of my friends says they sleep better with their person, it only makes me think of having a panic attack. The few times I have slept over with a boy, I have yet to fall into a deep sleep. My mind stays conscious while my body is asleep because having another person beside me is such a foreign concept. 

Luckily over the years, I have realized that I can't settle because I'm too extraordinary to not have the same energy coming for me in return. I also have to give credit to my friends for keeping me in check when I'm feeling really desperate for love. I pray for love to find me and for all the bad experiences to not mean a thing to me anymore. To wrap it up, I want to define the term "hopeless romantic."
"Someone who continues to believe in love, no matter the struggles they might have experiences in the past."

With love, 

Jenna K.  

 

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