I let a boy pick my nail color

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Do you know what color he chose? 


Yellow. 

-- "Jenna... come on. Your best friend has drilled into your head that yellow is NOT your color for years. And you let a boy tell you he wanted them to be YELLOW???"

-- "THEN he broke your heart 6 days later, and you picked off your acrylic nails only 8 days after telling your nail technician at the salon, "I think I found a good one!" 

-- Yes, that's how it went. It's been 4 months since I lost myself because I let a man pick my nail color.


So, what did I learn from this experience?

I learned that I allowed someone else to make decisions for my well-being with no second thought. I learned that I overthought the situation and wondered, "Oh, maybe he'll like me more if I show him that I'd do this for him." I overthought how he would react when I sent him a picture of my freshly done nails. The response I got was "No wayy!" 

Actually yes way, and I lied about saying I didn't hate them as much as I thought I would. You made me hate the color yellow more than I already did. But that's the downfall with being an overthinker. Someone who overthinks is also someone who overloves. 

In a way, I broke my own heart loving him. I will be the first to admit that I became reliant on this man's attention. He was the first person that had validated my feelings, supported my education, and the first person to know the real and whole me. While all those things were what I needed at the time, once I got over my heart ache, the game changed. I realized that even though it broke my heart, it opened my eyes. 

My eyes were opened in a sense that made me realize I am allowed to make decisions for myself, be confident with my image without his compliments, and not feel the need to be validated or wanted by someone who may not mean it. Without a doubt, heartbreak is hard. But there are so many ways for you to love yourself without the approval or dependence on a significant other. 

So to the heartaching soul on the other side of this screen, I have something to tell you. 
Your feelings are real, raw, and validated by someone who has been where you are. 
It's not your fault you fell for it; the games, the compliments, the good moments. 
You were feeling what it was like to give your incredible love to someone else. 
You are beautiful, strong, independent, powerful, unique, and worthy of love. 
My hope is to be fulfilled in my own company, by my own desires and needs. 
The healing road may be long and difficult, but I have hope for us.

Tomorrow it will hurt a little less. 

DO RE MI FA 
SO DONE WITH YOU

With love, 
Jenna K

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